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COMPETENCIES
- Know how to add or reduce emphasis using subordination, superordination, coordination, induction, and deduction.
- Know how to use paragraph length to add or reduce emphasis.
- Know how to create paragraph variety.
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Using Paragraphs to Emphasize Information
Use paragraphs to clarify, focus, and emphasize. In general, business writing requires simple, straightforward paragraphs with topic sentences followed by specifics explaining the concepts in the topic sentences. When you edit paragraphs, you should go beyond the simple function of using paragraphs to divide concepts. You should be able to manipulate paragraphs when you want to add focus, emphasis, and variety.
This lesson presents methods you can use to edit paragraphs so they help readers understand the concepts and know the relative importance of the ideas.
Writing Paragraphs
that Have Impact
Ideas feel more or less important based on how the writer presents them. In this example, what is the most important idea?
Without new equipment, we will not be able to compete in the next decade. Our equipment is not the latest technology and is expensive to repair. Our competitors are able to produce higher quality products at lower cost because they have newer equipment. That isn't affecting us now because our profit margin is so high. However, as the competitors lower their prices because they produce product more cheaply, we may find ourselves out of the market. We have to do something soon.
You probably suggested that "We have to do something soon" is the most important message. The reason is that it is the last sentence in the paragraph. However, it isn't noticeably strong. You may have even suggested that some other idea is equally strong in the paragraph as written.
However, if we take the same sentences and move them around, we can change the emphasis:
We have to do something soon. Our equipment is not the latest technology and is expensive to repair. Our competitors are able to produce higher quality products at lower cost because they have newer equipment. That isn't affecting us now because our profit margin is so high. However, as the competitors lower their prices because they produce product more cheaply, we may find ourselves out of the market. Without new equipment, we will not be able to compete in the next decade.
You probably sensed that the last sentence is now stronger. However, it is a tossup between the first and last. Let's really stack the deck:
We have to do something soon. Our equipment is not the latest technology and is expensive to repair. Our competitors are able to produce higher quality products at lower cost because they have newer equipment. That isn't affecting us now because our profit margin is so high. However, as the competitors lower their prices because they produce product more cheaply, we may find ourselves out of the market.
Without new equipment, we will not be able to compete in the next decade.
You undoubtedly now feel that the second paragraph is emphasized. However, you may still feel that it competes with the first sentence. The reason is that the first sentence is short and to the point. It includes an imperative. Let's manipulate the paragraph one last time to make the strongest point we can make:
Our equipment is not the latest technology and is expensive to repair. Our competitors are able to produce higher quality products at lower cost because they have newer equipment. That isn't affecting us now because our profit margin is so high. However, as the competitors lower their prices because they produce product more cheaply, we may find ourselves out of the market. Without new equipment, we will not be able to compete in the next decade.
We have to do something soon.
We took the strongest two sentences and developed an inductive paragraph. It builds the case, uses the first strong sentence to conclude the case, and punches the point by separating the last statement into a short sentence that is its own paragraph.
The words are the same in all of these paragraphs. Just by altering the order of the words and status as part of a paragraph or an independent paragraph, we were able to manipulate the impact of the paragraph.
Now imagine what the writing would be like if we engineered every paragraph to have strength and impact. That is the purpose of this lesson.
Subordination, Superordination, Coordination, Induction, and Deduction
Make ideas stronger and more memorable by manipulating the paragraph ideas, sentences, and organization. Use these four devices:
- Subordination
- Subordination makes an idea or sentence seem less important.
- Superordination
- Superordination makes an idea or sentence seem more important.
- Coordination
- Coordination makes ideas or sentences seem equal in importance.
- Induction
- Induction builds a case using details, then presents a conclusion, often for emphasis.
- Deduction
- Deduction states the conclusion or generalization first, then explains or supports it. The straightforward paragraph with a topic sentence and supporting details is deductive.
The devices may be used in combination. An idea may be superordinated by placing it into a short sentence and positioning it as the last sentence in an inductive paragraph.
Subordination
Subordinate an idea by burying it with the other ideas. That isn't usually intentional. It is just that in paragraphs with emphasized ideas, other ideas must be de-emphasized. If you didn't use subordination, a series of ideas might sound like this:
Our teams need to cooperate.
Independence is good.
But teams must also be interdependent.
The success of one team means the success of all teams.
Therefore, let us share information and help freely.
Reading the ideas gives you the feeling the writer is shouting, like a political demagogue haranguing the crowd. The reason is that every idea has its own short sentence. Each has the power of its own paragraph. There are no ideas weaker than the others.
Subordination allows some ideas to become the backdrop for the conclusions and important points. Here is one way the writer could write the paragraph using subordination:
Our teams need to cooperate. Independence is good, but our teams must also be interdependent. The success of one team means the success of all teams, so let us share information and help freely.
The author of this version of the ideas has placed them into one paragraph. The first sentence is emphasized because it is first and shorter. The last sentence is longer, but since it is last, it has some strength. The middle sentence is the subordinated sentence. It has important information, but it has to be weaker so the others can be stronger.
Subordinate ideas in the sentence by putting them in weaker positions, longer sentences, and longer paragraphs.
Superordination
The counterpart to subordination is superordination. In the example paragraph, the writer may want to superordinate the idea of sharing information and help freely. To do so, he or she would use one of these devices:
- Put the idea first or last in the paragraph.
- Put the idea into a shorter sentence.
- Put the idea into its own paragraph, alone.
- Use emphatic or forceful words.
Here are three ways the example paragraph might be written:
Our teams need to cooperate. Independence is good, but our teams must also be interdependent because the success of one team means the success of all teams. Let us share information and help freely.
Independence is good, but our teams must also be interdependent because the success of one team means the success of all teams. Our teams need to cooperate. Let us share information and help freely.
Independence is good, but our teams must also be interdependent because the success of one team means the success of all teams. Our teams need to cooperate. Let us share information and help freely.
You may feel one of these is more effective than the others. That is your judgment call as the writer.
Normally, don't use devices such as underlining, caps, and bolding for emphasis. They look cheap and show too much emotion.
Use the superordinating methods to give important ideas in your paragraphs emphasis. Combine it with subordination strategically to add strength to your writing.
The normal business paragraph has a topic sentence presenting the content of the paragraph and details explaining the topic sentence. You don't need to have a superordinate concept in every paragraph. However, if you want to superordinate any idea, use the techniques explained in this section.
Coordination
Coordination means giving ideas equal value. Most of your paragraphs will show relatively equal value among them so they are coordination paragraphs, and the sentences within the paragraphs will show reasonably equal value among them, so they are coordination sentences. You do not need to superordinate an idea in every paragraph. Reserve superordination for those concepts you want to emphasize. Otherwise, write sentences and paragraphs that simply present the ideas, with less superordination and subordination.
However, the devices that make ideas stronger will still be active, even when you're not intending to superordinate and subordinate. The first sentences and last sentences in the paragraph are in stronger positions. Shorter sentences are stronger. Even though you are using coordination, you will find subordination and superordination to some extent in every paragraph.
This is the example paragraph using coordination:
Independence is good, but our teams must also be interdependent because the success of one team means the success of all teams. Our teams need to cooperate, so let us share information and help freely.
The paragraph loses strength when the concepts are buried in the text, making the paragraph less interesting and powerful. That is the effect of coordination.
Induction
Induction means presenting the details, leading to a conclusion. It is a powerful way to make a point because it establishes the argument, then places the conclusion at the strongest position in the paragraph: the last sentence. Combined with making the last sentence short, the inductive paragraph can be the strongest type of paragraph.
Normally, avoid inductive paragraphs because they require too much of readers. In business writing, the reader needs to know the central focus before starting to read the detail. Reserve inductive paragraphs for persuasion and special impact. Using the inductive technique too often also creates a driving feeling in the writing that is too strong for most business writing. Use it sparingly.
An example follows:
First, our programming staff changed the software we received, without effect. Then we worked with your staff to correct the problem, but it persisted. And finally, we uninstalled the software and installed your latest release, but the problem continued. The problem has not ended but our patience has.
Deduction
The normal, topical paragraph is deductive. It begins with the conclusion in a topic sentence and the paragraph explains the conclusion. This is the paragraph that the writer should use in most business writing. Do not use another form of paragraph unless you have a good reason for doing so.
This is the same paragraph presented as an example of inductive development above, but it has been changed to be deductive:
The problem we have had with the software has not been corrected, despite considerable effort to overcome it. First, our programming staff changed the software we received, without effect. Then we worked with your staff to correct the problem, but it persisted. And finally, we uninstalled the software and installed your latest release, but the problem continued. We are not willing to continue trying to fix the product.
Variety
Write as much as you need to write in each paragraph to explain the subject in the topic sentence. However, try to keep paragraphs in reports at around seven lines. You may have some shorter at five or six lines, and even a paragraph or two with three or four lines. You may also have longer paragraphs with eight or nine lines, and even more when necessary. However, when a paragraph is seven lines, look for breaks in thought that indicate ideas should be separated.
Paragraphs in letters, memos, and e-mails will be shorter, averaging four or five lines with an occasional paragraph as short as one or two lines. The content of business correspondence is such that most ideas in messages are shorter. They need their own paragraphs.
Effective writing uses paragraphs to make breaks in thought clear for readers and emphasize some concepts over others. If the paragraphs are all the same length, the writing loses the texture it could have had with some superordinate and some subordinate ideas. It also looks less interesting and is more difficult to read.
Look for opportunities to break up paragraphs. When the writer has a concept that needs to be emphasized, consider putting it into its own paragraph. If you see that the writing has all paragraphs the same length, look for opportunities to reduce the size of some and increase the size of others. You will not be doing that for its own sake; use length as a guide to help you locate places to break up paragraphs. The writing will become clearer and more interesting.
Example:
The paragraphs in this memo are too long.
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We're going to have to fill out another form. This memo explains what it is and how to fill it out. Call me after you've read this to let me know if you have any questions about it.
The City is going to tax the travel agencies, so we need to report to them any travel expenses we remit to our two travel agencies. That means you'll have to fill out a form with expenses for each travel agency you use for each trip. Examples: You fly to Baltimore using Sunrise Travel. From there, you fly to Seattle, but use Corporate Travel Services. You have to fill out two forms, one for each travel agency, even though it was just one trip. A single trip includes all destinations until you return to Houston. If you use Sunrise Travel to fly to three places before you return to Houston, you only need to fill out one form. We must follow this procedure or you and I will have to travel downtown some unpleasant afternoon to explain why we can't fill out the form. I'll help you the first couple of times to make sure we're all on the same page. The form is attached. The procedure for filling it out follows. That's all we have to do, but we have to do it so our administration doesn't receive a phone call from City Hall.
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Here is one method of organizing it to be more interesting and have impact:
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We're going to have to fill out another form. This memo explains what it is and how to fill it out. Call me after you've read this to let me know if you have any questions about it.
We must follow this procedure or you and I will have to travel downtown some unpleasant afternoon to explain why we can't fill out the form.
The City is going to tax the travel agencies, so we need to report to them any travel expenses we remit to our two travel agencies. That means you'll have to fill out a form with expenses for each travel agency you use for each trip.
Examples: You fly to Baltimore using Sunrise Travel. From there, you fly to Seattle, but use Corporate Travel Services. You have to fill out two forms, one for each travel agency, even though it was just one trip.
If you use Sunrise Travel to fly to three places before you return to Houston, you only need to fill out one form. A single trip includes all destinations until you return to Houston.
The form is attached. The procedure for filling it out follows. That's all we have to do, but we have to do it so our administration doesn't receive a phone call from City Hall.
I'll help you the first couple of times to make sure we're all on the same page.
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The author chose to use several short paragraphs because the memo contained some important points that should not be buried. The writer put the "We must follow" earlier and gave it its own paragraph. The two examples are separated into their own paragraphs so the reader knows when one ends and the next begins. The writer ended with the "I'll help you" message in its own short paragraph.
If you find yourself saying, "But there are too many paragraphs," ask yourself, "What is the problem with having many paragraphs?" You won't have a good answer except, "It just doesn't look right." Unfortunately, the sense we've gotten from seeing long paragraphs in books is that paragraphs need to be long to be "right." That simply isn't the case. They should be the length that will represent the concepts clearly, with some very short paragraphs to separate and emphasize ideas.
Exercise
Rewrite the following letter changing the paragraphs to be clearer and to add emphasis. The writer buries important points the reader should understand. Use superordination, subordination, coordination, and paragraph length to make the concepts clearer. Rearrange sentences as necessary.
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Dear Audrey,
We are very pleased that you are considering making Edgewood Estates your home. This letter explains some of the features you will enjoy when you move to Edgewood Estates, and the differences between condominium living and having a separate house. The word "condominium" originally meant "joint dominion, especially joint sovereignty by two or more nations." That is what a condominium is, jointly owned by you and the condominium association who has the land and facilities the condominium is in.
Edgewood Estates is a one-of-a-kind community with a semi-secluded atmosphere, park-like grounds, picnic areas with barbecues, a pool and cabana, beach rights, and convenient proximity to schools and shopping. The Board of Directors respects, supports, and encourages condominium-owner participation. Condominium living is not like living in a private home. We are not free to make changes in the common area, which is the land, buildings, roads, and other areas outside of your condominium. We are governed by Homeowner Association rules and regulations, but the Board works diligently to meet everyone's expectations. Decisions in resolving complaints, solving problems and addressing special requests are made by considering the entire complex and all owners.
Decisions that are made by the Board or at Association meetings are binding and enforceable. A copy of Edgewood Estates' governing rules and regulations is attached. Each of us has a responsibility to review and abide by the rules and regulations of the Association.
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Your answer:
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