Use plain, simple words.

When you "decide" rather than "make a decision," you're using one word in place of three. Using fewer words makes your writing clearer. Some of this will look like the skills you learned in an earlier lesson. This lesson focuses on using shorter phrases and fewer words. When you do that, you'll also use simpler, more straightforward words as you have already learned to do.

Examples of shorter phrases:

USE	NOT
refer	make reference to
resolve	reach a resolution
settle	enter into an agreement
must	is required to

Drop words that don't add anything to the text. Convey your message in as few words as possible, directly and simply. Look for deadwood and prune it out of your writing.

Example:

Wordy: I understand how, with your busy schedule of day-to-day activities, it will be difficult for you to wait at your house for delivery when our package arrives, so I have taken pains to ensure that the delivery person will let you know well in advance when he or she will make the UPS delivery to your house.

Revised: I understand how your busy schedule will make it difficult for you to be at home for our delivery, so I have asked UPS to let you know when the delivery will be made.

The revised text is shorter by 40 percent. That means the writer wrote the message in 40 percent less time and the reader received the message 40 percent faster.

Exercises: Concision

Rewrite this sentence, substituting shorter, simpler words:

In reference to your e-mail of January 10, the preparatory procedure for installation of the software follows.

Exercise:

Shorten the following sentence while conveying the same meaning:

As per the agreement contract signed at purchase, defective software will be replaced forthwith upon receipt of the defective merchandise software.

 

Omit words that don't add meaning.

Avoid phrases that add no meaning. Make every word specific and concrete.

Don't use these superfluous words:

"the fact that"
"consideration should be given to the possibility that"
"in my opinion, it seems that"
"it should not be forgotten that"
"in large part, it is our anticipation that"
"in terms of"

Example:

SUPERFLUOUS WORDS: There is no doubt but that John was unaware of the fact that his client had made his arrival.

BETTER: John didn't know that his client had arrived.

Exercise:

Rewrite these sentences, eliminating superfluous words:

Notification of manufacturer defects must be submitted on or before the deadline date of March 1unless it is true that the aforesaid defects are in appearance in one form or another before said date.

 

Don't use phrases with redundancies.

Many phrases commonly used in business writing contain redundancies. You will eliminate unnecessary words simply by using the shorter alternative.

Eliminate the redundancies from each of the following pairs of words. Write the shorter form. You might choose a word other than the one we chose in our answer. For many of these, either word would be satisfactory.

Phrases	Answers
1. past history
2. join together
3. is currently
4. within the confines of
5. during the course of
6. in order to
7. includes the following
8. other alternative
9. first began
10. future plans
11. actual facts

 

 

Lesson test: Putting it all together.

Use clear sentences and an informal style to rewrite this paragraph. Include all the pertinent information.

Hello Herbert, Permit me to introduce myself. I am Jud Price, customer service representative for Altonville Medical Supplies. This is in regards to your question of April 10 detailing the problems you have had with the software for your Medo-Van system. Concerning the aforementioned software, we found no inherent problems in regards to the data entry procedures you have been using, but on reflection and investigation have found a possible problem in regards to the options you installed when you first purchased and began using the new system. It is our considered belief that you did not completely or at all install the autocorrect software feature at the time of installation. If that is found to be true, I will do my utmost to assist you in all ways necessary to install it. That should, in my considered opinion, eliminate the problems and difficulties. E-mail me forthwith with the information described above indicating whether you have installed that aforementioned feature in your system. Thanks. Jud Price Customer Service Representative

 

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